XDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYX DAYXDAYXDAYXDA AYXDAYXDAYXDAYXD AYXDAYXDAYXD DAYXDAYXDAYXDA YXDAYXDAYXD HOLY TEMPLE of MASS CONSUMPTION YXDAYXDAYXDAY XDAYXDAYXDA XDAYXDAYXDAYX DAYXDAYXDAY DAYXDAYXDAYXD AYXDAYXDAYXD Issue #35: I am Doktor Remulak DAYXDAYXDAYXDA YXDAYXDAYXDAYX XDAYXDAYXDAYXDAY XDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXDAYXFREE Holy Temple of Mass Consumption PO Box 30904 http://www4.ncsu.edu/~aiken/ Raleigh, NC 27622 SLACK@ncsu.edu ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- NEWS FLASH: SAUCERS TO LAND ON JULY 5, 1998 End of the World Celebration at Brushwood Folklore Center in Sherman, NY Join HToMC and others in a Pilgrimage to the X-Day festivities this July 3-4-5. Full details on how to get there, what to take, and the gory details of exactly what's going to happen, are available at the official home Church site: http://www.subgenius.com Rides may be arranged through the special ride contact website offered by Rev. Modemac at: http://www.tiac.net/users/modemac/guestbook/rides.html All full-blooded Yeti are required to attend. The church will be offering a 50% discount on Praire Squid. DNA will be tested at the door. If you haven't paid up the required church dues, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO ESCAPE ALIVE!! ---------------------------------------- BIG THANKS.....go out to the crew of Opulence! Records and promoters of the Wilmington Exchange Festival this past May in Wilmington, NC. This yearly event is a very slackful week-long party of unsigned bands, homebrew beer, zines, films, and more in the historic Downtown district in Wilmington. The Exchange itself is a neat place, filled with neat stuff (which can be had for only $5 for a big pack of Cds, zines, videos, etc.) and a good party place in its own right. Afterhours party on Saturday was the Punch Drunk Monkeys, who made more of a mess than I've ever seen a single evil clown create. Write to them at PO Box 2071, Wilmington NC 28402-2071 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kill the Messenger It's time we confronted reality, Our leaders hate civic morality, Those they can't compromise, They have to demonize, Out of fear of exposed criminality. DC Dave =+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+= ZINES and THINGS Amsterdam Chronicle - More news from the underbelly of this supposedly "enlightened" country thats so noble and tolerant that they've decriminalized the use of marijuana and "soft" drugs. That's certainly a good step, but the reality of the situation is far from the advertised image and far from ideal. Foreign residents there report a society still tainted by the superiority of the colonial era, to the modern point of zenophobia and hostility toward "outsiders" simmering just below the surface. And its being manifested in a Big Brother police force that spies on people in the MJ coffeeshops, foreigners, and people in their homes-- while turning a blind eye toward hypocritical and violent attitudes among their own people. If you are considering taking a "vacation" there, or even moving there, this cautionary zine will be an eye-opener. US $5 to: Grace & Michael Hogan, Kanaalstraat 66-huis, 1054 XK Amsterdam, The Netherlands Amazcourt #2 - Named after a popular asthma-medicine inhaler, this zine has various adventures, stories, and good cartoons (as you can tell, I'm a sucker for good cartoons...). Roadtrips include a trip to the Montel Williams, also there's an article on the evil of staples, a new script for the all-new bad generic Japanese movie, revenge of the Record Club for repeatedly signing up for freebies. Also, as the title infers, there's *lots* of info on asthma inhalers and various drugs. Lots of people suffer from that to various degrees, even I once did- and keep an inhaler around. The article on the gov't crackdown on CFCs should also detail a new disturbing trend-- in order to buy even over-the-counter inhalers, you must put your name & address on a government list for some unknown reason- probably so that the DEA can bust down your door at 4am. Interesting zine- $2 Azmacourt, PO Box 890535, OKC, OK 73189-0535 azmacourt@aol.com Corky's Ads - Oct. 1997 - Nothing but ads, this is a resource for people who want to be contacted for various zine/business/personal/hobby purposes. Like any such source- be careful- its also full of "MLM"/free/easy money plans- and also be wary of Internet "advertisers" who are actually spammers. But, there are a good many personal listings as well as real, legitimate businesses- if you're looking for a national market or any number of specialty papers to advertise in, this might be useful. 50 cents/copy- $5/year to: Bert Warwick, 15 E. Devane St. Pensacola FL 32534 CultureWatch - Monthly bibliography of culture, art, and political affairs. This is a watchdog group that covers the religious right's political and social agenda, a monitors their activities with overviews of articles in newspapers, magazines, and hundreds of other publications. This looks like a good way to keep up with the "big picture". They also have special alerts on the Promise Keepers movement. http://www.igc.org/culturewatch/ $35/year, monthly - DataCenter, 464 19th St., Oakland CA 94612-2297 Dan-O - makes various zines and comics, none of which ever have the same name. One is "Get the Hell out of Buffalo", where he details why living in Buffalo sucks so badly, and why its a good idea to leave as quickly as possible. (I come from one such place, and I did escape) Although it does suck rather badly, it does have some interesting points (raising hell, neat industrial ruins to explore). The other is the cartoon, "The Weird and Wonderful World of Kid Anus", a psychedelic nightmarish cross between Zippy the Pinhead and the Marquis de Sade, with just about every disgusting behavior known to man performed within its pages. Fun stuff. $1 for "Buffalo", $2 for "Kid Anus" to: Dan-O, 1400 Glass Ave., Olympia WA 98506 Derogatory Reference 87 - Arthur Hlavaty's quarterly newsletter, on all of the neat things that he's seen and done. And, since he's heavily involved both professionally and personally in literature, mostly science fiction, he includes a lot of the things that he's read, with reviews-- this is a great place to find out about new works as well as classics. In this issue, he also talks about William Burroughs and his effect on culture versus others like Allen Ginsberg. Other real-world mentions include zines, George Carlin and the anger in his works, and fan societies. $1/trade/comments to: Arthur Hlavaty, 206 Valentine St. Yonkers NY 10704-1814 hlavaty@panix.com Don't Shoot! It's Only Comics - vol. 2 #3 - Magazine-sized comics, put out in the local Boston area, full of a variety of different strips. Definitely on the alternative/adult-issue genre, these deal with high-school relationship angst ("Trail of Tears Junior High") to racism in the justice system, drunken and disgusting super heroes, and lots more covering this issue's general them of "county, city, suburbs". Lots of fun, and a quality production. If you enjoy other comics like Big Mouth, Hate, etc.- you should definitely get a copy of this one also, plus they have back issues of this and many other comic titles. Free in Boston, $3 outside- Jef Taylor, 140A Harvard Ave #308 Allston, MA 02134 biceratops@aol.com Draconia - official newsletter of the Church of Set-An, issue #1 - In their first newsletter, this Church of Satan-inspired group has an interview with Draegon Undomiel of the Luciferian Light Group in Tampa FL, an article on the honorable hedonist Casanova, an interesting look at "christian" organizations (the only way they succeed is by employing *satanic* methods of attracting followers and money), steps to the Satanic Mass as performed by the Church of Set-An, plus lots of contacts and resources for satanic groups. Ads and pointers to magazines, music, books, robes and equipment, and info on other groups. No single issue price, but membership + sub are $20/year (3 issues) Artwork, essays, articles, encouraged for submission, w/SASE. The Church of Set-An, PO Box 16625, Essex MD 21221 Send SASE for CoS-A information Eros Comics - Summer 1997 catalog - Probably one of the biggest distributors of adult comics, with large selections of adult comics, with tons of fetish and bondage titles. Great source for Cherry, Bondage Fairies, Young Witches, Carnal Comics, and tons of other titles- erotic manga also. 800-657-1100 PO Box 25070, Seattle WA 98125 http://eroscomix.com Essential Media - great source for fringe and countercultural items, with books, music, videos, comics, zines. Very impressive collection, with just about every "classic" I could think of, plus lots of new stuff- also a good source of ambient, electronica, and just plain strange music. For their full catalog, send $2 (free with any order) to: PO Box 661245-M, Los Angeles CA 90066-1245, or on the web at http://www.essentialmedia.com/ Eye - #13 - Big magazine of totally undeground and alternative culture, with lots of useful info. This issue covers lots of different topics, including killer asteroids, snow-globes, interview with B-movie star Conrad Brooks (Plan 9), fraudulent and unhealthy pet food, German singing sensation Heino, the reality of the "Hacker" threat, the dangers of genital warts, ant-farm kitzch, extreme cable-access shows, plus lots of underground reviews of music, books, films, zines, etc. Lots of in-depth info here; this is really a through treatment of the subjects. $3.95 6-issues for $14: EYE 301 S. Elm St. Suite 405, Greensboro, NC 27401-2636 http://www.nr.infi.net/~eye Eye - #14 - This issue and guide to underground cultures looks at phone pranks (the Jerky Boys definitely weren't the first, or best), the violent redneck white-trash genre of B-movies, the FDA's covert war against inexpensive vitamins, illegal poaching and the destruction of wildlife in Thailand, and an interview with Debbie Goad- who was just recently divorced from Jim Goad (together, they produced and endured much grief over the classic "Answer Me" zine), and talks about the divorce admist her battle with cancer. Also in this isssue is info on the Viennese "Materialaktion" artists whose performance art preceded and exceeded even G.G. Allin. Plus, tons of info on kitch, retro- and counter-culture, with lots of reviews on the latest works. $3.95, cheap. 6-issues for $14: EYE 301 S. Elm St. Suite 405, Greensboro, NC 27401-2636 Factsheet Five No. 63 - The ultimate guide to the zine world, with over 1000 reviews in just about every genre including music, cartoons, poetry, art, etc. Must-have. Articles in this one includes a special on the innovative artwork in zines, particularly covers, which is where much of the "alternative" art scene flourishes. Other stories cover the Freedom of speech/press-chilling lawsuit against Paladin Press for selling books that allegedly inspired a murder, the recent death of Church of Satan founder Anton LaVey, free-speech implications of the Oprah trial, plus the demise of 1800 Market Street, the building in San Francisco that was home to many zines, ISIL, SF-Libertarian Party, and many gay-owned and operated businesses. Politically motivated? Possibly. Thick sample issue $6, best deal is 6-issue sub for $20: PO box 170099, San Francisco, CA 94117-0099 The FIJActivist vol 9 #2&3 - Jury Nullification is now getting exposure as an issue on national TV, and FIJA spokesperson are there and in front of courthouses all over the nation to inform jurors of their *full* range of rights and responsiblities. Namely, despite what any judge may tell you, a juror is a judge of both the facts of the case *as well as the law itself*, and if you feel that the law is unconstitutional or unjust in its application, you are perfectly free to refuse to uphold it. This issue has lots of info on the legal and legislative battle to reinstate this important principle, which might be a major means of rolling back the tons of silly and destructive laws. 1-800-TEL-JURY, PO Box 59, Helmville MT 59843 Freethought Perspective - A monthly bulletin dedicated to discussions of Freethought and other subjects of interest to the Skeptic, Atheist, Deist, Agnostic, Humanist and Freethinker - Quite an intereting zine, this issue deals with the Birmingham abortion clinic bombing, truly insane acts by recent nut-cases, church/state separation, philosophical discussions, and an a satirical "interview" of an astronomer who discovered that Heaven has been sucked into a black hole. Lots of neat quotes and anecdotes. Free for the asking (although I'm sure they would appreciate any and all donations): Freethought Perspective, 833 Orchard St., Toledo, OH 43609-3359 Frosted Cupcakes - Zine by Mara DeLuca, a 15/16-year old girl who's becoming aware of the "scene", as well as all of the youthful idealism that goes along with it. This is about her friends and experiences, dreams, alienation, interests in music and other things. One note of warning: be awfully careful of the "utopian" dreamers who hold out some phoney-baloney vision of "equality" or bliss if you just follow their plan. The real world just ain't like that- I highly recommend Arthur C. Clarke's story where everyone must be equal to everyone else- it turns out that such "equality" can't help but be anything other than "least common denominator". fun zine. $1/trade/2 stamps to: Mara DeLuca, 40404 Village Wood Dr., Novi, MI 48375-4561 Future of Freedom - book & tape catalog - Lots of pro-freedom books and tapes of lectures from various authors/lecturers as Walter Williams, James Bovard, Joseph Sobran, and more. Lots of arguments for totally repealing, not just "reforming" our out-of-control gov't institutions. Future of Freedom Foundation, 11350 Random Hills Rd, Suite 800 Fairfax, VA 22030 703-934-6101 Idiot Child Goes to Hell - A collection of 3 truly twisted, sick and perverted tales by Mike Stickel- actually, very much in the vein of the "Mr. Bunny" story in this HToMC. He's certainly a very graphic storyteller, and these stories go all-out. "Sick of It" details the horrible end of the ultimate "sickness" support group, "Alex Meets Jesus" where an autopsy doctor with sick public sexual habits, gets the wrong job when the followers of a heroin-dead Jesus break in, and recognize him from his restroom escapades. Lastly, "Gloria Agnes Dei" follows the antics of self-destructive hyperfundamentalists all the way to the bitter end. So realistic, its scary. Big issue for $2: Mike Stickel 2900 35th Ave. South, Minneapolis, MN 55406-1712 Recommended! Implosion Publishing - source of some interesting zines, including one of my favorites, Eye (t-shirts available too). Plus, Implosion, journal of the eccentric and bizarre, Bloodsongs horror magazine, and Juggernaut, the extreme music magazine. Order these through Implosion Pub., PO Box 533653, Orlando FL 32853 888-READ EYE http://www.implosion-mag.com Indy Unleashed - #2 & #3 - Reviewzine by the zine columnist of The Ten Page News. These zine reviews give a fairly in-depth look at each zine. $1 to Owen Thomas, POB 9651, columbus OH 43209. Listing of issues of Ten Page News are at: http://people.delphi.com/vlorbik/ Infiltration - issue 4 - A zine about going into places where you're not supposed to go. Tales of urban explorers and their experiences in college steam tunnels, secret subway stations, "exclusive" hotels, and similar places. This gives extensive maps, entrances, extensive details and pictures of some of the most famous explorations. Also check out alt.colleges.tunnels and the official College Steam Tunnel site at http://sdcc17.usc.edu/~bhines/. I've been all through the NCSU tunnels; nearly every big school has them, and it's a ton of fun to go exploring (just don't get caught). Check out Infiltration Online at www.infiltration.org. It's a good source of stealth and social engineering skills. $1 cash or postagee from: Infiltration, PO Box 66069, Town Centre PO, Pickering, Ontario, L1V 6P7, Canada JND Pseudo Zine - Issue #6 - Collection of various "sheets" on tons of topics, including movies, strange news, psychotropic films (Since you wrote me, I've also been looking for those Korean propaganda films...they should be a real hoot), tape trading have/want lists, zines, reviews, and other correspondence and interesting things. Neat articles included in this one are on vampirism, plus a hellfire "warning" propaganda page. Lots of good contacts, in a real do-it-yourself format. Recommend $2 to cover the tons of pages+postage: James Dawson, PO Box 613, Redwood Valley CA 95470 Kit Zine - Vol. 3 #7 - The Liberty issue, actually the bulk of it describes a film script of the abused/unstable/MTV-watching/drug-taking teenager sees religious video on TV and goes the whole Jesus salvation route..etc. The primary focus of this zine is christian-based and promoting, so its primarily of interest to folks in that scene, although the editor does also appreciate regular music and zines in general. Nice multi-page cartoon, too. $2 to: KiT Zine/J.D. Harvey, 27 E. Central Ave. R5, Paoli, PA 19301 Thinkof3@aol.com Laissez Faire Books - Feb. 98 - Tons of books for freedom-lovers, the special feature being "The Tax Revolts that Built America" by Charles Adams. This selection of books takes on the government in every issue, from the "War on Drugs" to taxes, regulation, social-engineering laws, scams and frauds of every description, jack-booted thugs, and much more. From economics to education to personal liberty, this a great selection of books in defense of complete and total liberty. 938 Howard St. #202, San Francisco CA 94103 http://laissezfaire.org 800-326-0996 orders@laissezfaire.org Liberty Tree - vol. XII No. 1 - Great selection of pro-liberty books, with from classics by Thomas Jefferson and other Founders to today's Walter Williams, Harry Browne and more. The focus of this issue is on Taxes and liberty, focusing on the history of oppressive taxation on to the current out-of-control tyranny of the IRS. The review lots of books which cover these topics. Online at http://www.independent.org/libertytree 800-927-8733 The Independent Institute, 100 Swan Way, Oakland CA 94621-1428 Lion's Paw - 1998 edition- annual newsletter/catalog combining Michael Hunt Publishing and King VelVeeda's Cheese Warehouse. Between these two, they offer a large selection of extreme material- Hunt Pub. is the exclusive publisher of Mike Diana's outlawed-in-Florida cartoons. Also- cartoons like Horny Biker Sluts, fringe/way-out videos, pornography, music, artwork, fetish items, and more. Not merely purveyors, they also sponsor parties and special events such as the Extreme Video Expo to be held again in Oct. 98. Easily one of the most hard-core magazines, and crowds, that I've seen yet. Catalog: 3 32-cent stamps & age statement that you are at least 18 to: Michael Hunt Publishing, PO Box 226, Bensenville, IL 60106 773-918-8698 Mail art from Malok - Lots of strange and random things, plus collages and chaotic zine-thingys from Malok himself. Send him your envelope filled with wondrous things and get his in return. Every day can be just like Christmas morning. MALOK box 41, Waukau, WI 54980 Mongoloid Moose - #35 - Vacation issue, with more hypenated words that you'll ever see on a single page, 101 really bad vacation spots, new high-tech cars that will drive themselves (and why that might not be such a hot idea). Also, lists of country songs that didn't make it, movie reviews, Uncle Al takes off on those el-cheapo Casio watches (which, by the way, I wear myself). Don't miss the Mystical Wall O'Zines. $1/trade: PO Box 642, Bloomfield NJ 07003 Mongoloid Moose #36 - Major Stress takes editorial control over MM, which if anything, should make it a bit more "spicier" than before, given the Major's tendency to hard-core ranting. This new issue starts of with some truly tasteless jokes about recent celebrity deaths, and Major Stress gives his manifesto of who he is and why he says the things he does- and how gutless so many defenders of "freedom of speech" truly are, when they use every means possible to shut down speech they don't like. Also, the 101 List is Things that Tyrannical Overlords must do to stay in power. $1/trade: Mongoloid Moose PO Box 642, Bloomfield NJ 07003 http://users.aol.com/MongoMoose/mongo.html NegativFanboyLand #2 - Fan magazine for Negativland, once produced by Bob Nelson, now by Don Fields. Great info on the band, plus other info on the whole found-sound/sonic collage and obscure music scene. Famous for their "Over The Edge" radio shows, hi-fidelity live concerts delivered over phone lines, the lawsuit over their "U2" album, and their scathing indictments of corporate/legal domination, Negativland is engaging in all-out cultural jamming. Their latest release, "DisPepsi", questions the entire premise of "advertising", and how its replaced many institutions. Interesting stuff, and this zine has lots of sources for their fans. $2 to: Negativfanboyland, c/o Don fields, 1508 Faymont, Manhattan Beach, CA 90266 Notes From Oblivion #31/32 - Detailed experiences of Jay Harber, who has some *extreme* form of Environmental Illness, or Multiple Chemical Sensitivies, to the point that he's nearly blind, can't stand light, any chemicals at all, etc. without experiencing constant pain, or as he describes it, "being poisoned, suffocated, and electrocuted-- all at the same time". Most doctors don't take him seriously, much less help him. He likes zines, though, and for those who have the capability to make their own music/spoken zines, tapes are much preferred. Other issues of this are much more "zine"-like, even chaos/ discordian-like. Free in exchange for tapes or SASE-- Jay Harber, 626 Paddock Lane, Libertyville Il 60048-3733 (USPS won't take those "free for handicapped" packages anymore) Nova Express - Vol. 4 #4 - Big fanzine of Science Fiction books, with interviews, reviews, and in-depth discussions of the genres. This issue has an interview with Stephen Baxter, author of "Titan", "Ring", and "Vacuum Diagrams" as well as other Xeelee stories. Other articles take a look at the Postcyberpunk genre of today as opposed to the alienated techno-warrior who fought corrupt social orders; and other articles in an entire section called the Post/Cyberpunk Symposium. Many other articles and detailed reviews fill out the zine, many written by prominent critics and authors. $4 each, or 4-issue sub for $12: Nova Express, PO Box 27231, Austin, TX 78755-2231 http://www.dephi.com/sflit/novaexpress/ The obliovisiteR - Comics by Tim Brown, issue #25 starts a 3-part story called "Pulp Spitting". This first installment has Tim deciding to go out to a local party with a friend, which turns into a chance to reminisce about how he hardly gets out anymore, and how the regular "party" scene just doesn't hold the same fascination anymore. Is he getting older and wiser, or just old and crochety? Previous issues dealt with "True Army Tales" from his brief mis-tour of duty. Fun comic series, only $2. Note his all new address: Tim Brown, Box 115, Bradwell, SK, S0K 0P0 Canada Olive Pit #1 - Literary & visual arts zine (thanks to Zine Guide people) This issue has a mix of short stories, artwork and poetry, plus a short section of reviews on zines, books, and comics. Also seeking submissions of short fiction and creative writing, artwork, poetry. Ed: Jenn Solheim. $1+2 stamps or $2: PO box 744, Evanston IL 60204-0744 Opulence! - Official zine of the WEFest!, a week-long Indie rock festival with over 40 bands from around the country, zines, films, cartoons, and home-brew beer. Don't miss this great event, May 21-27 in the downtown historic (party) district in Wilmington NC. Only $15 admission for the whole week. They also put out sampler tapes with tons of independent bands- $3 each or blank w/$1 postage. Opulence Records, PO Box 2071, Wilmington NC 28402-2071. http://www.smellygig.com/wefest/ Plebian Jobs! - issue 2 - Tales from the world of temp/low-wage jobs, and the utter bullshit that must be endured everyday by the workers. The sad fact is that an awful lot of businesses *are* run by assholes who get off on the power trip, and a lot of businesses do treat their workers badly. Of course, not all jobs are like this, but when it happens, its rather stressful to have to decide between income for living versus mistreatment. This is S.A.B.O.T's news about his jobs and general living conditions in Colorado, with news and caustic jabs at certain "business" people who deserve it. $2.50/trade- PO Box 220, Fort Collins, CO 80522-0220 RJG71@holly.colostate.edu Popsmear - 12.0 - (thanks to Lee Buffaloe of Opulence! for turning me onto this)- Very wild, nothing-sacred magazine. Very much music-oriented with tons of ads and interviews, but also filled with articles on just about anything. This issue has tips on driving drunk, the "crabs", schoolgirl Depeche Mode obsessions, porn movie reviews with an interview with star Alyssa Love, a contest for a drunk night on the town with a soap opera star, and more. Very impressive, and fun content- I agree with their "attitude" completely. $3 issue, $15/year POPsmear Publications, 648 Broadway #200 NY NY 10012 http://www.popsmear.com getus@popsmear.com Prometheus Books - Spring/Summer 1998 - Now listing the complete list of books in print, this is a great source for the skeptic/freethinker. No issue is too hot to handle, whether its questioning UFO claims, assisted suicide, school prayer, psychics, big government, pornography, etc. Hundreds of titles on philsophy, religion, social issues, science, and more. Special on David Suzuki's new book, "The Sacred Balance". 50 John Glenn Dr., Amherst, NY 14228-2197 PBooks6205@aol.com http://www.prometheusbooks.com Raccoon Times #8 - The primary focus of this zine is "furry" fandom, with anthropomorphized or human-acting animals, and there's lots of listings of books, comics, conventions, etc. in this genre. It also delves into other areas, with a good movie review section, other zines, roadtrip diaries, and some "small" genre adventures from Bob's other, now-defunct zine, on giants and little people. $1.50, $2/2 from Bob Nelson, 75 Hale St. #1, Beverly MA 01915 Also a good source for tapes & tape traders-ask for catalog Raccoon Times #9 - Furry-fandom oriented zine, with lots of info and references for this anthropomorphic genre. This one had a couple of pages on "Kevin & Kell" strip by Bill Holbrook. I like it a lot- and the strips are online at http://www.reuben.org/holbrook/. This zine also includes zine, music, and movie reviews, also comics (particularly furry), and this issue has some stories on memories of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, plus the best/worst films of 1997. $1.50, 2/$2 from: Bob Nelson, 75 Hale St. #1, Beverly MA 01915 Ask about his tape catalog! Skeptical Inquirer - vol. 22 #2 - This issue takes on a variety of issues, including the psychic-fraud buster Houdini's strange friendship with Conan Doyle (staunch believer in garden fairies), spontaneous combustion, the appetite for wonder and how it often leads to delusion, and continuing "false mememory syndrome" that is abused by councellors and courts, often placing innocent people in jail for "remembered" childhood abuse. $4.95/issue, 6-issue sub (1 yr) 32.50 - Box 703, Amherst NY 14226-0703 800-634-1610 http://www.csicop.org Skull #1 - Social criticism/rant zine, dealing with lots of issues. Since the publisher is female, a lot of it focuses on the way that society treats women, but also recognizes the way that modern culture tries to force *everyone* into a sterile, phoney mold- whether its to conform to "normal" expectations or even the "rebel"- there's someone waiting to sell you the designer accessories. Also has articles exposing the cruelty of "puppy mills" that supply pet stores, school drop-outs, book reviews, and cruelty- free products (made without animal testing). Submissions welcome. $1 per issue, $5/6: SKULL, PO Box 188, North Greece NY 14515-0188 laileb@frontiernet.net http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Museum/5138 Small Press Creative Explosion #8 - Itself a small booklet-style zine, this monthly publication features reviews on the self-published and small-press comic scene, from the b&w mini-comics to the regular-sized comics in stores, but by the alternative press. Dense text & lots of pics means lots of info. This issue also has an interview with Jim Siergey of the "Cultural Jet Lag" strip and other articles on various small companies and venture. I found info on many comics that I cover also. $1 each, 1 year-12 issues-$12 Tim Corrigan, New Voice Media, PO Box 25, Houghton, NY 14744 Small Publishers Co-op - As a way of keeping zine costs donw, this is a large group that does all their printing in big batches. Also ask for their Zine & Comic catalog. 2579 Clematis St., Sarasota FL 34239 email at: spcoop@netline.net Spontaneously Combustible - #5 - Lots of interesting personal adventures, plus wild art and other submissions. Real-life stories are often the most interesting, and Kevin offers up lots of his experiences, including sagas of the roommates from Hell and getting kicked out on account of them, fender-benders and trying to get away, low-wage jobs (naturally, including the noble "dishwasher" job-- is there *anyone* who hasn't done this --myself included), plus stories of his current job at a bookstore/tape rental place. I can totally sympathize with his experiences- watching other screwed-up space cases can be good entertainment in itself. Lots of stories here for $1+stamp/trade: Kevin Joy, PO Box 284, Eastpoint MI 48021 Stovepipe - issue 10 - Quarterly literary zine for a band of underground poets, writers, artists, and musicians, who also give live readings and performances in the Georgetown KY area. The zine itself has lots of free-verse poetry and artwork, plus ads and listings for other people into this same scene. All submissions welcome. $2/trade, 1yr/$10 to: Stovepipe c/o Troy Teegarden, PO Box 1076, Georgetown, KY 40324 tteegar0@gtc.georgetown.ky.us Stuck In Traffic - #28 - Current events, cultural phenomena, and true true stories, told from Stacy Powers' first-person perspective. There's deeper meaning and principles behind nearly everything, in a zen-sorta way; you just need to be able to see it. And, although we might see *some* things in a different perspective (I was far less "charitable" in my opinions of the bums targetting DragonCon), we do agree on a whole lot. Whether its watching the mayor argue with a K-mart employee, or the recent UFO church in Garland TX, there's often more angles to a story or situation than might appear, and Stacy lays it out. Paper zine is $2, $10/yr, 2012 Talloway Drive, Cary NC 27511 free email sub request: powers@ibm.net or get it from: http://www.StuckInTraffic.com Super Lemon #4 - the Urban Myth issue - With each issue covering some main topic, this one looks at all of the wild and outrageous stories that are passed around. There's plenty that even I haven't heard. Lots more, too with weird news, comics, and articles on the life and death of William S. Burroughs, UFOs, etc. A distinctly Canadian flavored-zine, this one also delves into the history of the Punk scene in Canada, and an art-walking tour of neat places to go in Vancouver. Very accessible, and fun to read- next issues it on Dreams. $2 - microMedia Enterprises PO Box 74015, Vancouver BC V5V 5C8 http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/4431/john.html jlucas9@hotmail.com Survivor - vol. 9 #9 - Resource for all things geared toward self-sufficiency and practical living, with pro-rights and pro-freedom outlook. Featuring tons of political cartoons rightly attacking Clinton and oppressive government, including expose's on Clinton's allegedly "pro-police" policies, and gun control. Also, tons of ads and info on starting your own business, scouting, security and self-defense, and much more. Always something useful and interesting here. Sample copy $2/trade to Evans, Apartment 2E, 11-15 45th Ave. Long Island City, NY 11101 SWIFT - Vol. 2 No. 1 - Newsletter of the James Randi Educational Foundation. Randi, the famous magician, is following in Harry Houdini's footsteps by exposing the "paranormal" crowd as the outright frauds that are. Whereas scientists can and have been fooled by intentional illusions, Randi tests them according to the claims that the dowsers/remote viewers/ESP people themselves make, but also introduces controls and safeguards which prevent them from cheating. And when prevented from cheating, they always fail- it doesn't take a rocket scientist to make the obvious conclusion from that. Overall, this is a no-nonsense expose of outright fraud, and long overdue. Free sub for members- JREF, 201 SE 21th St, Ft. Lauderdale FL 33316-1815 http://www.randi.org Sykosis - Somewhat semi-punk zine by Jennifer Elliot, girlfriend of a real spike-haired punk (I remember seeing that in 1978...) Its a mix of real-life adventures on the town, dreams, reflections on how fucked up the world still is and other rants; also music & zines, poetry and artwork, from the depths of Sacramento CA. Definitely a strong grrrl influence. $2 each, and it comes with all sorts of neat things attached. (thanks!) Sykosis, 2989 Franklin Blvd, Sacramento CA 95818 Tailspins #30 - Much like a Factsheet-Five for independent music, this magazine lists just about every small-to-medium and self-produced music out there, from all genres. There's a fair amount of cross-over; they do keep up with zines, movies, and various alternative cultures- with a big section on the history of cannibalism, with all the gory stories, names and dates. Also, articles on hermaphrotism, odd experiences on a field trip to Nicaragua. On the music side, there's an interview and complete discography of The Melvins. If you produce your own music, or are interested in more reviews and ads than FS5 lists, then this is definitely a must-have. $3/issue, 6-issue sub for $15. Also check out their Zine Guide for $4. PO Box 5467, Evanston IL 60204 847-424-9910 tailspin@interaccess.com Telepathic Eyebrow - Functioning somewhere in the middle between a zine, a distributor, mail art/info station and info trading service, packets of really neat stuff can be had (zine too, should be available by now). I got the complete rundown on Burning Man, with info on how to get there, underground/experimental media info, philosophical works on some of the finer points of Anarchism and chaos-art, a copy of "Murder Can Be Fun"... Its a fairly eclectic mix, and what you'll probably get different, yet also relevant and interesting things. Contact him with your interests and info- this could work out to be a good clearinghouse for alternative ideas. Telepathic Eyebrow, PO Box 441, Whitesburg, GA 30185 Thought Bombs #1 - Thick zine of essays by Anthony Rayson, a self-described "anarchist, abolutionist, atheist" who has a lot of interesting criticisms and analysis of today's stale culture. He's very much into civil rights and anti-racism, having grown up and personally witnessed the tensions of the 60s, as well as the Vietnam War. An outspoken critic of the conservative mindset which not only ignores but creates serious problems, these essays look at a lot of aspects of American society. $1 + 55cent stamp, or substantive trade. Anthony Rayson, 27009 S. Egyptian Trail, Monee, IL 60449 The Twilight Zone #8 - Follow-up to the "Alien Diaries" issue, this follows up on some of the strange alien goings-on, plus all-new conspiracies, rants, and several cartoons (including a series). Also includes some strange but true stories of vulgar poetry (it actually won a prize), and short stories. $2 from The Twilight Zine, PO Box 85581, Tuscon, AZ 85754-5581 ULC News - Fall 97 - News from the Universal Life Church, possibly the most "do it yourself" laid-back organization that can still, however loosely, be considered a religion. Actually, ordained ministers (free for the asking) are prefectly free to follow their own path as long as they promise to do what's "right" and to support religious freedom in general. And, its 100% legal too- ULC ministers can legally perform weddings and other ceremonies and enjoy all the advantages of clergy of the "mainstream" religions. In a way, its a acknowledges that all such stuffy degrees and titles are essentially arbitrary- and when just about *everyone* is officially "ordained" it'll go a long way toward taking away the imagined "special" status that so many priests use as a moral billy-club. Get ordained online! http://www.ulc.org/ulc/ Universal Life Church, 601 3rd St., Modesto, CA 95351 USEBC Speaks Again - monthly flyer of the USA Silver Eagle Buyers Club, which advertises various old coins for sale, of interest to coin collectors or those buying silver. (I just found a silver dime in my change last week!) This looks like a nice way to buy/sell old coins; check your own references to see how good the deals may be. They also accept other non-coin ads (beware of MLMs though). Membership in USEBC is $8/year,$12-Can/Mex which gets 12 issues. Published by Nikitas Garofallou, 880 Main St. Paterson NJ 07503 Vectors, Veils & Spectres - No. 3 - Newspaper with more UFO/conspiracy books, ads, and books, than I've seen in any other publication. Articles look at the possibility that all of the neat-o new weapon systems were actually given to us by aliens, a look at "good" versus the "bad" aliens, possible alien invasions & alien allies, with tons of info on abductions, psychics, government coverups and evidence. They're also big into the "spiritual"/channeling thing, as it relates to aliens. Big classifieds too- there's still a ton of people in this area. $2 to: Vectors, Veils & Spectres Rd. 1 Box 195A, Muncy PA 17756-9726 West Virginia Surf Report #13 - This issue is entirely a collection of short stories, really twisted but neat stuff like Emo Phillips might write. Definitely adult-oriented, and not for the squeamish; still, very coherent and image-provoking. Warped sense of humor definitely helps- which I liked a lot. (sorry for not sending previous review; but the Atlanta address was bad, and now I understand why) Definitely trades; WV Surf Report PO Box 7422, Burbank CA 91510-7422 wvsr@earthlink.net The White Dot - Issue #6 - All about the pitfalls of too much TV, and the benefits to be gained from just totally going cold turkey and giving it up entirely. Although I'm personally not quite ready to give up on Babylon 5 and South Park, there's a lot of great points in here, on not only the "standard" couch-potato TV addiction, but also the way that TVs and videos are popping up everywhere, from airport terminals to classrooms to supermarkets, and its much more of mind-numbing, pacify-and-buy effect than true education. From the sleaze of commercial & cable TV, to the total TV-free lifestyle, there's a lot to think about in here. Not available in video form. $8/4 issues - The White Dot, PO Box 577257 Chicago, IL 60657-7257 http://www3.mistral.co.uk/whitedot Whores of Goddess Scientist - Far more than a wild and complex collage of esoteric texts and images from all traditions, this blend of magick and blasphemy is a nifty deprogramming tool against all "Normal" memes and Kabbalistic exercise for your Will. Daemonolatria 696, the quarterly occult journal issues #1 & #2, plus Anticryptographa 797, $7 each 2/$13 all for $18. Every blown mind is worth it. Send neat stuff to: Rev. Adtrian Cain, 1032 Irving St. #906, San Francisco CA 94112-2200 The Zen of Henry #3- An in-depth analysis of the famous classic cartoon of the bald-headed kid. Each strip is actually a Zen koan in itself; without words, he illustrates profound truth, takes advantage of Pinks, indulges in shameless hedonism, or sometimes suffers instant karma. Never taking the easy path to enlightenment, he dishes out pain as well as he takes it, as necessary. Neat new look at this venerable comic, put out by Rev. Groovy G. $1 or so- PO Box 378, Richmond VA 23218 Zine Guide - #1 - Published by the Tail Spins people, this big magazine is very close in content to Factsheet Five, with perhaps a bit more emphasis on independent music. They also include handy indexes of bands, musicians, record labels, and other notable people such as writers, filmmakers, actors, historical figures, etc. Listings in this first issue includes over 1650 zines from all genres, with lots of zine covers reproduced. Also includes helpful advice about ordering zines. $4 US/$5.50 Canada PO Box 5467, Evanston IL 60204 tailspin@interaccess.com Sacred Mutants: --------------- Stark Fist of Removal - #47 Vol. 17 - Possibly the last Stark Fist to be published on this planet, this is a huge mega-issue, full of neat-o computer graphics, devival news, rants, memorials, witnessing for "Bob", stuff to buy, other mutants, plus upcoming plans of a major battle immediately before X-Day between the two splinters of the church, the Holocaustals led by Rev. K'taden Legume, Papa Joe Mama, etc., and the relatively wimpy Ivangelicals under the command of Rev. Ivan Stang. Lock and Load! Plus, complete directions to the landing zone for the saucers on July 5, 1998!! SubGenius Foundation, PO Box 140306, Dallas TX 75214 888-669-2323 http://www.subgenius.com alt.slack Obloquy #5 - (yeah, its the spring 97 issue, but I lost it and just found it behind the reactor) Full-strength SubGenius news with Devival reviews (from Doktor DynaSoar himself), roadside kitsch, badfilm, cartoons, rants, and all manner of things done by and of interest to the purebred Yeti crowd. Send $1 to: obloquy, PO Box 5902, Wilmington NC 28403-0879 Quijibo #3 - X-Day Drill Commemorative Issue - As we're rapidly approaching the actual X-Day, July 5, 1998, when the Xist saucers will swoop down to rescue all the dues-paid SubGenii, I'm just now getting around to reviewing this issue, which has some of the best photos of any of the other zines that covered it. Plus, the complete stories by P-Lil, Rev. Myrkury, Rev. Modemac, and David Lynch, plus info on the *great* homebrew brought by Rev. Christopher Lee, proprietor of Quijibo. Of course, next time, its going to be for real- so get this quickly, and learn how to prepare for the saucers in Sherman, NY, July 2-5th. ($3 to: Quijibo, 18 W. Main, Greenfield, IN 46140 Quijibo #4 - Special tribute to The Simpsons, with a complete Quijibo-bible episode guide to the first season. Other great stuff includes the episode guide to Brisco County, Jr., home-brew beer recipes plus reviews of the Indiannapolis brewpubs. On the road, Rev. Lee went to Lollapalooza in Chicago for a rare performance of DEVO- which makes it all worthwhile (I thought the first L was great, but the others hardly worth it-- but it would be worth it just to see the Spudboys onstage again). The Fugs were also highly recommended from that show, as well in the music reviews. Also, he saw the local GWAR show, for good messy & violent fun. Plus lots of other informative things for the discriminating SubGenii. $2 to: Quijibo, 18 W. Main, Apt. X, Greenfield, IN 46140 clbundy@indy.net The Schism of Sight (formerly Terror Australis Clench) has an informative pamphlet on the earthly manifestation of the Twins With the Scissors of Sight, and the relationship of these Scissors to slack and time control itself. This schism also offers a safe place to go and things to do if the Saucers don't come on July 5th as promised. Send for this pamphlet NOW! Schism of Sight - POB 528 Gosnells WA 6110, Australia Vision Temple - Ask for their wonderful products; especially their own unique tape service. (I think most of this is probably also available through MoFo) New tapes include Octavios "#9701", from the secret former guitarist for Chewing Foil. Also, some really hardcore experimental sample-noise tapes. Ask for the list at: PO Box 594, Arcata CA 95518 carey@humboldt1.com http://www.humboldt1.com/~carey/ Yeti Times #4 - Yeti's for "Bob" production, July 97 issue in time for the X-Day Drill. Coming up soon is the REAL THING! This SubGenii newsletter has lots of contact info, plus real live samples of Pink propaganda directly from the source. Know your enemy! Lots of good music info too. Only $1 from Rev. Phil Paradowski, Yeti's for "Bob", PO Box 07442 Milwaukee WI 53207 (thanks for the neat stuff in the package, too!) Yeti Times - #5 & #666 - A SubGenius media outreach zine by the Yetis for "Bob" Ministry of Rev. Phil and Rev. Anna Sin, they spread the Slack gospel and give free ads for SubG types (keep it small, please). They detail their adventures at the last X-Day Drill in #5, and will definitely be there when the saucers finally land- #6 is the Halloween issue with various appropriate demonic art, reminiscent of "Demi". All issues have all manners of cartoons, stories, artwork, and info on M.O.M. and other weirdos. Cheap too, only $1 Yetis for "Bob", PO Box 07742 Milwaukee, WI 53207 &@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@%&@% Government-Mandated Comics -------------------------- *** Big Mouth #7 - Comics by Pat Moriarty, collaborating with Dame Darcy, David Greenberger, Mack White, and Mike Moriarty. Pat draws the complete strange history of the "Moriarty" family as told by his wandering brother, Dame Darcy dreams of her "mystery date", Dave Greenberg has another domestic story with "Bern & Edwina", and Mack White's Priapus makes another appearance, this time to an uptight parent upset over filth like "Big Mouth" comics. All artwork by Pat Moriarty. Fantagraphics Books **** Bondage Fairies #12 - After several semi-lame issues, this one makes up for it with a *very* kinky dream sequence, where Pfil the fairie is not only raped by some strange male creature, but she finds out what a man's orgasm feels like. She awakes to find the entire forest gone mad with lust, under the influence of an ancient tree's pollen, with extreme aphrodisiac qualities. Eros Comix. ***** Dawn #6 of 6 - The major battle behind him, Darrian calls down both heaven and hell, and destroys Lucifer's halo rather than choose a side. He then leaves the remnants of the city, leaving Dawn behind, who comes to him one last time in a dream where he shatters his father's sword. Real heavy story; I'm still trying to understand it all, plus with the *great* artwork. Sirius Entertainment. **** Demi the Demoness & Cassiopeia the Witch - special crossover story where Demi is accidentally summoned to modern-day earth by Cassiopeia, who is battling an evil satanic cult. The evil leader of the cult also summons a powerful demon to fight them. Together, they kidnap the pair, who drain and transfer sexual energy to defeat them. Good action comic, in addition to the very hot action, like all in the Demi series. Rip Off Press. *** Dirty Plotte #11 - Julie Doucet continues her true story of moving to NYC from Montreal, along with the monotony, frustration, and problems with her boyfriend. Its a very grunge/slacker type story, mixed in with her continuing comic and artwork. Drawn & Quarterly. **** Dork #5 - Lots of stories and art by Evan Dorkin, creator of Milk and Cheese. Great stuff- the first part is a bunch of mini-comics, each with its own twist. Plus, the Devil Boy Puppet takes us on a tour of strange cultural oddities, from the "Bewitched" riot in Japan to the life story of the original author of all of those gross children's songs. Maybe not quite as gory as M&C, but every bit as much fun. Slave Labor Graphics. ** Forbidden Vampire Tales #0 - An outcast from both human and vampire worlds tells stories of her conquests- the first being her experiences in the adult movie business. Being a vampire that doesn't show up on film is definitely a disadvantage, although she does get some good blood. Not very in-depth stories compared to many others in the genre; even the erotic artwork in the story isn't as revealing and unrestrained as other works, and as a whole, is somewhat disappointing as a vampire work. Angel Entertainment. **** Empty Love Stories "Special" - Not your average mushy love stories, these go far into tasteless and even forbidden territory. "Love Behind Bars" shows affection deep enough to *want* prison, "One Humiliating Incident After Another" has a young lady whose quest for love leads to nothing but public embarassment, and "Betraying the Master Race", where a southern hick redneck girl falls for a black man-- united by their common prejudices against *other* groups. Almost as sick as real life. Funny Valentine Press. ***** Frank #2 - Without uttering a single word, this comic packs more surreality and oddness than any other- and you need to be sharp to keep up with it. And even then, it surpasses you with strange mysteries. Is this universe motivated by dreams, drugs, or madness? 3 stories in this issue, 2 of them somewhat on the "Valentines" theme, with an utterly bizarre one thrown in for measure. Fantagraphics Books. *** Freak Brothers #13 - This is reprints of old Freak Bros. comics which appeared in High Times in the late 70s, plus one story that appeared in Playboy. Although they're starting to get a bit dated, being noticeably 70s oriented, like Cheech & Chong's drug humor, it's still really funny, especially for people who remember how things used to be. Rip Off Press. **** Hate #28 - Continuing sad tale of Buddy Bradley - He's now working alone at his novelty store, and when a girl who works next door comes on to him, he totally freaks out, fantasizing about her and ex'es, and gets totally caught up in the angst of wanting a relationship vs. the bullshit involved. Several other comics too, by Pat Moriarty, Dame Darcy, Kevin Scalzo, and a Shamrock Squid "autography" by Peter Bagge. Lots of fun in each issue. Fantagraphics. *** Hate #29 - Buddy gets set up in a series of "sympathy" dates by his sister who's afraid that he's turning into a bitter hermit. The problem is that his dates turn out to have plenty of problems of their own- and Buddy ends up ditching one particularly bitchy and hard-assed one who doesn't understand him at all. It's standard-operating-procedure as Buddy goes from one totally screwed-up emotional situation to another. Lots of other strips and columns in this issue, including another "Doofus" strip. Fantagraphics. *** Joe Matt's Peepshow #20 - Joe finally gets caught in all his lies and deceptions, and gets at least a small part of whats rightfully coming to him, including getting beat up for screwing over a friend in comic book trades. Although he does seem to get the message and stops being an outright prick by the end of this issue, I can only hope that Joe has gotten *way* better to the extent that this is autobiographical. Drawn and Quarterly. *** Lenore #1 - Macabre torture-humor similar to Johnny the Homocidal Maniac, Lenore is a little girl who just seems to cause death and destruction wherever she goes, which entertains her immensely. A walking house-of-horrors, she is either causing trouble or observing it, in a cute sort of way, with none of it hurting her. Strangely appealing. Slave Labor Graphics. **** Milk and Cheese's Latest Thing - More adventures of the dairy products gone bad, as they sunk to new depths of alcohol-soaked mayhem and violence. They go after comic stores, medieval festivals, weight watchers, mindless cult groupies, and even Evan Dorkin himself- as they go totally out of control, leaving nothing but destruction in their wake, and having one helluva fun time doing it. Slave Labor Graphics. *** Naughty Bits #23 - special origin issue of "Bitchy Butch" - In the wake of the "Ellen" show, Bitchy Butch reminisces about how relatively easy gays have it today in the 90s, as compared to the 60s, when they had to literally make all of their own "culture" and the communities that went along with it. And, given all of the real abuse, both societal and personal, that have been heaped upon them in the past, it's easy to understand how some of them can be bitter. This is a good comic for understanding the issues. Fantagraphics. ***** Naughty Bits #24 - In this episode, Roberta Gregory takes us into the mind of Marcie, the hyper-religious nutcase from the office. And, its a scary story indeed (and, sadly, accurate in too many cases) with Roberta actually attending "faith healing" sessions and more as "research" for this story. Marcie picks up a new friend at one her "meetings" and becomes her spiritual mentor, starting out by totally ruining her relationship with her new roommates. In another story, Bitchy Bitch decides to actually get herself together and attract a man...which works. Fantagraphics comics. rgregory@scn.org, www.robertagregory.com for more on Roberta Gregory *** Squee! #2 - From Jhonen Vasquez, the author of Johnny the Homocidal Maniac, this cartoon looks and feels *exactly* like the JtHM comic, but focuses instead on an innocent little boy who copes with a world filled with horrors, monsters, and gruesome mutilations. Plus, lots of satirical jabs, this time at overdeveloped superheroes. Slave Labor Graphics. *** The Tick - Big Blue Destiny #1 - The Tick and his sidekick Arthur continue their new adventures fighting an array of bizarre villains. This time its an art thief capable of transforming himself into pieces of art. After breaking a valuable piece of crappy modern art, the Tick meets an even deadlier opponent...lawyers. New England Comic Press *** The Tick's Big Romantic Adventure - The Tick abandons his crime-fighting duties when a do-gooder chemist decides to help the Tick's love life. But, an overdose makes Tick fall for an ugly, kleptomaniac bag-lady. Oddly enough, the oversensitivity is precisely whats needed to stop a rampaging monster, but too much to bear at home, where its ruining Arthur's date. New England Comics Press. ***** Vamperotica #30 - The leader of a Martian civilization that has been transformed into vampire Kith from an exchange with Luxura long ago, returns to Earth for her-- and offers to enslave both Earth and Mars, ruling both planets with her. She refuses to be dominated, and kills him in a fierce battle that destroys the spacecraft, that she narrowly escapes and returns to earth. Good sci-fi/vampire story mix, and hot action too. Brainstorm. **** Vamperotica #31 - Conflict within the world of vampires is brought into focus when Luxura is anonymously invited to a party, which turns out to be a nest of insurgents, wildly and wontonly violating all the Vampire rules (no wild feeding frenzies, no making new vampires, maintain discretion!). Luxura is sorely tempted to join them, but refuses- and the ancient vampire militia moves in and wipes out the insurgents. Brainstorm Comics. **** Zero Zero - #19 Aug. 97 - Pretty wild issue, even by its own standards. Chapter 1 of Pop. 666, where a couple stumble upon a shantytown terrorized by a tax-collector boss and is gang, the truly bizarre and psychedelic MeatBox by Kax & Timothy Georgarakis, Space Bums by Glenn Head, Johnny Gunn by Max Andersson, plus the weirdness picks up in the latest installment of Crumple by Dave Cooper, where the weird lesbian cult starts killing off all the men, and birthing strange mutant aliens. Fantagraphics Books. ***** Zero Zero - #21 Nov/Dec. 97 - This entire issue, including cover, is another one of Kim Deitch's continuing tales of TV/cartoon nostalgia, mischievous demons, sordid real-life stories, conspiracies, and aliens who collect old movies and some of the actors themselves. This is the latest chapter in the complicated "Waldo" story- fans of Deitch should definitely have this latest installment. Fantagraphics Books. *** Zippy #17 - Great way to keep up with the Zippy strips if you don't have them in your local paper. Zippy continues his stream-of-conscious meanderings while Griffy cracks on deserving topics such as ufo/psychic superstitions, trendy yuppie coffee shops, recycled movie themes, hollywood gossip, and the end of the 90s. No respectable newspaper should be without this comic. Fantagraphics Books --------- Also check out the new comic journal "Potential" from Slave Labor Graphics. This is the journal of the first year of high school, in comic-book format, from writer/artist Ariel Schrag. Now a senior high student in Berkeley, Schrag hopes to produce regular installments of her experiences, anxieties, and revalations, without pulling punches. Also, starting in May is "Smith Brown Jones: Alien Accountant" by Jon "Bean" Hastings. Originally self-published, this is an account of an alien accountant sent to earth to study our behavior; he works for a tabloid so full of conspiracies, nobody even notices that he's an alien, as he defends us from other sinister alien forces. Slave Labor Graphics/Amaze Ink 325 S. First St. #301 San Jose, CA 95113 800-866-8929 *=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-=* World Wide Weirdness (WWW) Nghe and his evil cohorts are always on the prowl. They can fuck up your life BEFORE X-day. What good is having a membership to climb aboard the saucers if you get killed in a car crash 3 days before X-day? SCIENTIFIC FACT: Papa Joe Mama's Holy Icon's reduced the chance of death by Nghe by 61%. Yes, you get better survival odds for one low, low price- But wait! That's not all! You also get a real genuine subgenius work of art AND a 5 x 7" solid wood frame to hold it, tossed in for free! What kind of artwork? What kind would you EXPECT from the Church of the Subgenius? Artwork that makes your SKIN CRAWL. Bob's head in a box, salivating spiders, hideous aliens... all straight from the bleeding brain of Bob's most hateful preacher: The Rev. Papa Joe Mama. But you're probably still unconvinced. Then go to the Papa Joe Mama's Gallery of Horror Homepage and view these shocking works of religious relevance for yourself. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and most of all, you'll blow your hard earned cash. But so what? It's for a good cause: Welfare of Bob's holy preachers (and the rest of the world, too). http://members.aol.com/papajoemom/papajoemom.html -------------------------------- S.P.U.T.U.M. is proud to announce its new home. sputum.com is now on skuz.net "And we couldn't be happier." http://www.sputum.com You can mail SPUTUM direct via unit4@sputum.com ----------------------------------- Can't get enough XENA on TV, or quite enough scantily-clad women fighting it with swords? Here's more GOR-in-reverse sci-fi fantasy literature: the WARLADY novels by Jerome bigge, a series of sci-fi adventures set in the brutal world of the 26th century. Download them at http://www.novagate.com/~jbigge Visit the new newsgroup alt.culture.warrior-women! ------------------------ Libertarian e-book of the month: THE BUREAUCRAT AND THE MATRIARCH: QUEST FOR A SURVIVAL FAMILY --By Jack Schwartz An interesting novel about a guy who sets sucked into a bureaucrat job, and the effect it has on his life. One way out is a complete change out of it and into a matriarchial relationship. Interesting stuff; the Promise Keepers would probably hate it. http://www.cjmciver.org/schwartz/ For great libertarian-oriented editorials, check out Vin Suprynowicz of the Las Vegas Review-Journal. Lots of comments on current events, and fun! http://www.nguworld.com/vindex/ Be sure to check out the June 8th column, about a guy whose computer was seized and house was searched by 20 federal agents after he posted an internet article which speculated on "Assassination Politics." ----------------------------- Does the government of a "free" society have the right to persecute people for their own personal choices, even for such controversial things such as drug use, prostitution, gambling, overeating, etc? Not so, according to Peter McWilliams' _Ain't Nobody's Business If You Do_, subtitled "The Absurdity of Consensual Crimes in a Free Society". And the amount of money that taxpayers must fork out for the sake of a bunch of self-appointed moral busybodies adds up to literally thousands of dollars per year, not to mention the outright trashing of the Bill of Rights under the inevitable police state required to make sure you're being "good". This book is now online in HTML form, with devastating treatises against "victimless-crime" laws, as well as some of his other books, at: http://www.mcwilliams.com ------------------------------------- Internet Radio Stations! Do the stations in your area suck out loud? Check the net for tons of stations of every type, to play right through your computer. Sure, the sound is awful compared to even a cheap stereo, but there's some really great stations out there. Check out a great listing of the best Web radio sites including Howard Stern and Rush Limbaugh links, Live Real Audio Sports, News, Music, and Talk-Radio, the AudioNet Jukebox, G. Gordon Liddy and much much more!! http://www.magicnet.net/freedom/enjoy/howard.html ---------------------------------- Twisted Tunes In the spirit of "Weird Al" Yankovik and Dr. Demento, this is an online collection of truly demented tunes, which can be played directly with the RealAudio player. Check often for holiday specials and additions. http://www.twistedtunes.com/index.html ------------------------------------ MOFO OUTREACH MINISTRY featuring the Copyright Violation Squad! Home of Rev. Otis F. Odder, Subgenius/Euthanasian/Universal Mooistic Minister Diagnostic Discordian Pope of the 23rd Quadrant Lots of rare tapes and records, bootlegs, tons of material for dubbing. Also contacts to lots of independent music/video/media groups. http://members.aol.com/cometomom ------------------------ The Jittlovian Repository Online archives of Mike Jittlov, the Wizard of Speed and Time himself! Right now, the only thing online is his special collection of weird fonts for the MacIntosh, but there'll be more- possibly QuickTime versions of the trailer for his movie, ASCII art, who knows? http://WoSaT.Remulak.Net/repository/ ----------------------------------- REAL DOLL As discussed on the Howard Stern show, this site advertises some of the most strikingly realistic fuck dolls ever made. No blow-up balloons here, these actually have articulated skeletons, realistic skin & hair, and they really look lifelike. And, at $4000+ each, you'd have to wonder about someone with such a total *lack* of a life that this is the only way they could ever get laid. At least these girls don't whine for money. http://www.realdoll.com/ ---------------------------------- People Eating Tasty Animals (PETA) http://www.mtd.com/tasty According to Internic's rules, domain names are handed out first-come, first serve, and this person grabbed peta.org before the original organization could. PETA had a shit-fit over this, and because of the controversy, the "peta.org" domain name is "on hold". Not only that, but the site itself is a parody and in-your-face total antithesis of what PETA stands for- with links and info on eating meat, keeping animals as pets and using them for research, furs, taxidermy, and hunting and fishing. Naturally, this has attracted quite a bit of threats and hate mail from the "loving" and "ethical" animal-lovers, who apparently have no problem with 'liberating' animals that could be infected with deadly diseases. This site is a perfect example of "back at-cha" advocacy on the web. ------------------------------- American Patriot Internet Classifieds Buy-Sell-Trade from Patriot businesses on the Internet. Extensive classified ads for doing business with people and organizations that *won't* end up putting money in Sarah Brady's pocket, or supporting other anti-freedom extremists. Mailboxes and websites also available, as well as Patriot calendar of events. http://www.logoplex.com/classifieds ------------------------------- INTERESTING! - long available in print form, this magazine of possibly useless but never dull trivia of all types, is now available on the Internet: Always something in it that you've never heard before. Print issues #7, 8, 9, 10, and 11 are now available for $1.50 each in cash, stamps or something you believe to be a fair trade. Interesting! is now smaller, more compact, and fits in your pocket, purse, or whatever satchel you use better. Interesting! C/O Rich Sagall 747 South 3rd St. #3 Philadelphia, PA 19147-3324 To subscribe, sent an email with no subject or message to: mailto:interesting-subscribe@makelist.com ------------------------------- Michael Burnett Productions Want some Hollywood professional-quality props, make-up, or super-realistic scary and creepy monsters to keep around the house? Get some from the same company that does tons of TV and film special effects and monsterwork. http://www.MBPfx.com -------------------------------- Wholesale Slaughter Can't find anything but overhyped, mainstream garbage on the 'net? Form your own opinions on art, music, movies, culture and society, at: Slaughter Net http://slaughter.net Also check out Apopalypse, reviews of authentic culture. http://www.apopalypse.com ----------------------------------------------------------------------- / | Tail Spins #30 RHUBARB T-SHIRTS | available now in record stores everywhere! po box 30326 phila pa 19103 | | In This Issue: Melvins, A History of ------------------------------| Cannibalism, African Travel Journal, Today Is | The Day, Hermaphrodites, Sweep The Leg Johnny | & over 300 music/print reviews THE WATCHER | Journal of Satanic Magic | $3.00 ppd U.S. checks/money orders/ | $4 Can/Mex well concealed cash to: Published Quarterly | $5 World Tail Spins - POB 1860 by | Evanston, IL 60204 USA THE ORDER OF SHAITAN | Send SASE for catalog of tailspin@ | back issues & stickers interaccess.com Single issue - $5.00 | Annual Subscription - $18.00 \. (Cash, check or money order \---------------------------------\ payable to Gargoyle Productions) | \ | \ Order of Shaitan / Survivor Newsletter \ Magister Ron Mephisto, S.P. | \ ------ 708 S. 51st St. | Charter Subscription Renewal Baltimore, MD 21224 U.S.A. | YOUR SUBSCRIPTION HAS EXPIRED / \----------------------------/| Okay...Relax!! You can still get "Survivor" | each month if you act FAST!! All you have to | do is send a mere $20.00 to: "Bob's" Gallery | of Clueless Scum \ Thomas J. Evans, 11-45 45 Avenue, / Long Island City, NY 11101-5154 * Harry Jacob Anslinger * | 1892-1975 | This will extend your subscription for 2 full | years!! That's 24 issues of info-packed, PROTO-PINK BOY! | survival-related news. You'll also receive a | free bumper sticker, a free "Survivor" patch, - Helped establish "Jim Crow" | and a free Terra Libra info-pack and member- . in S.W. USA (Anti Mexican, | ship. Join us NOW for life and freedom! Anti-Black, Anti-Poor White | Promote a product whose time is overdue! Anti-Amerind Laws) Anti- | "Suffragette" (1927) |---------------------------------------------- \ - The Author of Heavily \ Regular Church Worship Services Padded Reports \ Sunday Mornings at 10:00am \ All are invited to attend - Pushed Anti Marijuana Laws \ Through (1938) \ Universal Life Church ** \ 601 3rd Street - Sabotaged American Hemp Industry \ Modesto, CA 95351 \ - Hated Jazz and harassed both | PH: (209) 527-8111/Fax 527-8116 Black & White Artists and Musicians | INTERNET WEB SITE http://ulc.org/ulc/ | E-Mail ulc@ulc.org - Nazi and KKK Sympathizer | | /|\ /|\ - Urged FDR *not* to assist Jewish | | | refugees (pre Nazi invasion of | Poland era) (1936) | Free online ordinations! Get the \ same privileges and DISCOUNTS! - Paranoic and Anti-Sexual (amazingly \ that the "official" clergy get. he was married!) | 100% legal- all that *any* so- | called "priest" has is a piece | of paper, so why not get *yours*? ** With the help of Wm Randolph Hearst | | (art by Jerry Collins) | | $#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$ MY HAPPY DAY AT MICKEY D'S by I was getting a bit hungry last week, so since I had to drop off some videos at the local Blockbuster ("Starship Troopers" and "Boogie Nights", if you must know), I'd go and get some lunch at McDonalds. It somewhat qualifies as a "food", at least until you get to dinner when you can make up for it with some real nutrients. As I approached, it seemed odd that there was more than the usual number of morons going in there as well, along with a LOT of discarded Happy Meal containers in the parking lot. I worried that it may be "brat night", but noticed that the telltale sign of sprogs working up a good lawsuit were abscent from the playground out front, so I pressed on. Anyways, as I was placing my order, this sweaty, fatassed she-freak tries to shove herself in front of me, screaming at the top of her lungs if they still had any of those pelican "Teeny Beany Babies" they were plopping into Happy Meals. It was bad enough that the line was extra long and extra slow because the McBots in the burger mines were working franticly to fill all those HM orders for the rest of the Beany-crazed herd. I came close to wanting to grab this hippo and scream "GET OUT OF MY FACE, YOU BEANY-BRAINED MORON!! *I* *AM* *HUNGRYYYYYY*!!!!" at the top of my lungs, but Satan gave me a BETTER idea. Something with even MORE devastating potential. I looked towards the harried, humanoid shaped pimple-farm behind the counter and asked how many of these Bobdammed pelicans they had left. "Uh, about three", he said. "Okay, I'd like to add THREE Happy Meals to my order, and make sure they have those pelicans in there, OK?" "Uh, Okay.......sure" he replied, catching onto why I would order that many. It seemed to make him feel like he'd bring them to me on a McSilver tray if they had one. I gave Mrs. Jabba a bigassed smirk (ever see that part where the Grinch grins from ear to ear?). She seemed so agast at the horror of her NOT getting her precious fucking Teeny Beanies that I actually had to make sure that when my order came up, she didn't try to make a grab for one of the Happy Meals and run for the door (I'm sure she wouldn't move very fast, but trying to stop THAT much mass may prove hazardous). Instead, she screamed a bit shitfit, demanded to speak with the manager to make me GIVE HER those pelican Beanies (the head McManager just simply told her that it was "first come, first serve", and it was corporate policy). Realizing that she was as much of a loser as she was fat, she claimed that McDonald's & I were in on a conspiracy and swore that she was going to sue me and the McDonald's Corporation for every thin dime we both have and that were NOT going to get away with this, yatta-yatta-yatta, oink oink oink, moooooooo. Yeah, right. So there I sat, munching away on my McFood (there was enough there on the tray to even make the cow woman explode), with my little droopy-ass pelican toys sitting in full view so that as the Beany-morons left empty-handed, they'd see my treasure before them and they would know despair ("IIIIIIIIIIII-got, your-Beeeeeeeeee-nies! You-can-not, haaaaave-none! You-are-all-reeeeee-tards!"). A few of them actually came up to my table as I was eating and offered real money for them, but my evil was in full bloom that hour, and I had other plans for these little effigies of mediahype and human stupidity. Before I departed (I was getting so full that I just ate the "meat" patty in each HM and left the buns and fries untouched), I sliced off the pelican heads and left each one perched on top of the straws of the undrunk small drinks as a warning to those who try to fuck around with MY personal space ever again (and used the ketchup packets to have simulated congealed blood running down the straws and neck stumps of the bodies, which I had placed in the uneaten buns). And to finish this masterpiece, I took out a marker to make a little billboard out of one of the HM boxes turned inside-out to write "BEANIES SUCK!!". It looked like a diorama of Vlad Teppes' visit to McDonaldLand. I wish I had a camera to photograph the table before I left, but I get a feeling some of the workers may have done so before they cleared it off. I'm sure it made their day after their harrowing shift in Beanybrain Hell. I've got to ask them if they can make me print when I go back there some day. Sure, I may have wasted a lot of good food and passed up the chance to make some moron money, but the chance to commit evil like this has NO price tag. ----------------------------------------------------------------- | ZINE GUIDE - Out Now! | | - Complete contact information for 1650+ / The zines and assorted independent publications / Mongoloid - Complete contents, cost, pages, size / Moose and production quality of all available / issues of every zine listed. / The Humor Zine that demonstrates - Indexes of bands, record labels | the thin line between dressing and notable people | up like a ghost and parading | around in a Klan uniform. $4.00 ppd in U.S. - $5.50 ppd | Canada/Mexico - $7.00 ppd. World \ PO Box 642, Bloomfield NJ 07003 (Checks/money orders payable to Tail Spins) \ | ZINE GUIDE - POB 5467, Evanston IL 60204 | 847-424-9910 phone 847-424-9978 fax / tailspin@interaccess.com / / _______________________________________/ Stuck In Traffic "Current Events, Cultural Phenomena, True Stories" "Thoughtful and balanced, with more depth than many 'zines." ---Zine World #3 World Wide Web: http://www.StuckInTraffic.com E-mail Edition: Free on request from powers@ibm.net Print Edition: Send $2 to 2012 Talloway Dr., Cary NC 27511 ^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^ MUSICAL MADNESS Earwig Spectre - "Music by which to dine in someone's bowels" - Strange, disturbing music features David Boyden on keyboards and vocals. Somewhat like a Randy Newman possessed by Cthulhu, he layers his intense spoken-style lyrics on gross, disgusting, and blasphemous subjects over a melodic piano/ synethesizer style that ranges from the ominous, frantic movie music just as the heroine is about to get run over by the train, to horror film-like scores to strangeness. Songs include "Let the Insects Rule the World", "Pol Pot's Penis", "Jesus Fetus Butcher Shop", "Waltz of the Anal Scabs", and more. Very strange. $6 includes shipping to: David Boyden, 7734 Jennings St. Merrillville, IN 46410 dudboy@netnitco.net Jehova Hates Phred - Please, Be at Peace in My Home" - In their most esoteric album to date, delighting thousands at last year's X-Day Drill, this Doktorband features Pope Phred on vocals, and $t. &reux (of Ogyr Network) on guitar and other instruments. Enough to perk up any devival, these songs spread the message of "Bob" in the guise of familiar tunes (Pink Floyd), remakes of old classics like "Rock 'N Roll Party Band" by Doktors for "Bob", and tons of new stuff, a good deal of it made up *right on the spot*. Silly but profound at the same time, I *think* this a mere $4 or so. Jehova Hates Phred, PO Box 53 Plainfield, IL 60544 http://www.prairenet.org/~saint/ Pawn - Compilation tape from Opulence! - From the organizers of WEFest, the 7-day long festival of new music, beer, zines, and film. This tape is a sample of the bands who have applied to play, or have played, and is a wide variety of music by small bands, of all genres, all over the country- possibly in a bar in *your* town right now. Of the artists on this tape, Mike Errico performed at WEFest 98 this past weekend (May 23) in bars all around the historic district of Wilmington NC- although my personal favorite was the Booda Velts (and the Punch Drunk Monkeys at the after-party). This sampler comes out quarterly- only $3 or tape trade. Opulence!/WEFestival info at PO Box 2071, Wilmington NC 28402-2071 http://www.smellygig.com/wefest/ Teriyakis - "Psychics to Sidekicks" - 6 songs, alternative-sounding with somewhat of a psychedelic feel to it. Laid-back, rythmic guitar throughout, and the first song, "weirdo frontiersmen" particularly good. Lots of varied sounds and samples too, it's an interesting small album. 10" record/$8 or $10/CD, available through Priapus, 1723 Illinois, Lawrence KS 66044. They also produce Hopewell, Hyperspherian and more. http://www.priapus.com Negativland - "Dispepsi" - In their latest record/project, they take on the corporate culture even *more* head-on (with appropriate ways of avoiding the lawsuits). In examining the Orwellian control campaigns run by corporations that would result in blood in the streets if governments were found doing the same (they are), they focus in on the strange world of soft-drink advertising with a bold new suggestion: everybody in the world knows all they'll ever need or want to know about the 2 "giants", so why do they continue to spend untold millions on advertising? Why not experiment with a total moratorium- which will likely have *no* affect on sales? Great music, satirical brainfood lyrics, and innovative new sounds and samples. For Negativland info, write: 1920 Monument Blvd MF-I, Concord CA 94520 http://www.negativland.com The C*nts - "A Secret History of" - Compilation of garage-punk style songs from their various albums reaching back to 1977. Not quite hardcore punk, but definitely influenced (I still think "Let Them Eat Jellybeans" on Alternative Tentacles is the all-time best punk compilation).with their own unique Chicago sound. Originally another "do it yourself" project, this one apparently has good staying power- this CD contains several cuts from each of their 5 albums. No price listed, but they probably have a catalog: Disturbing Records, 3238 S. Racine, Chicago Il 60608 -------------------------------------------------- OBE-KOF Orgy of Noise WWW Site! http://world.std.com/~ObeKOF/ OUT of BAND EXPERIENCE (OBE) wacko weirdo alien orgy samplefest industroid freak-out subversive experimental noise rock trip! (more samples, Stick, electronix, and more SEX) KINGS OF FEEDBACK (KOF) Industrial blues slack sludge hardcore punk heap of noise rock subversion! ("Live" altar ego of OBE...even more Slack) CALL 1-(617) LICK OBE 24 Hour ANSWERING MACHINE for "FREE GIFT" STICKERS and INFO Send $10 for OBE/KOF "open your ears" CD (2 CD lengths in 1!) Bill T. Miller (RevDOK BTM) Extraterrestrial Records Box 221 Boston, MA 02123 USA ObeKOF@world.std.com <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> MR. BUNNY HELPS OUT: A CHILDREN'S STORY One fine morning, Mr. Bunny woke up and rubbed his eyes. The sun was shining brightly through his bedroom window as he hopped out of bed and stretched. "Oh, my!" thought Mr. Bunny as he combed his hair. "What a fine day this is! It's a perfect day to go to the market and get some nice, fresh, carrots." He made some toast with butter and jam for his breakfast, and drank a cup of tea. Then he brushed his teeth, put on his favorite red jacket and trousers, and hopped to the door. In the hallway, he picked up a wicker basket covered with a white cloth. Then he opened the door and hopped down the road towards Happytown. Mr. Bunny was enjoying his journey. The sun was warm, and he could hear the birds singing. "Hello, Mr. Bunny!" the chirped. "Hello, birds!" Mr. Bunny called back. He smiled and laughed as he watched the birds flying and having fun. Suddenly, he heard angry voices! "Dear me," thought Mr. Bunny. "Who could be arguing on a lovely morning like this?" He looked across the road to his right, and saw the two Raccoon brothers, Ricky and Rocky, standing beneath Old Apple Tree. The brothers had a large pile of apples between them, and they were shouting angrily. Old Apple Tree had a sad expression on his wise old face. He saw Mr. Bunny and called out, "Mr. Bunny, please come and help!" Mr. Bunny hopped over to the Raccoon brothers and said, "Boys! Boys! What is the matter?" Ricky said, "Mr. Bunny, Rocky is trying to take all the apples for himself! He won't let me have my fair share!" "But I should have more," Rocky replied, "because it was my idea to go apple-picking this morning." And they began to argue again. Old Apple Tree said, "Mr. Bunny, the boys can't decide how to divide the apples fairly. They have been arguing all morning, and it's giving me a headache. Can you help them?" Mr. Bunny's nostrils flared imperceptibly, and his upper lip twitched once or twice. "Certainly, I'll help, Old Apple Tree." And he got in between the two boys. "Now, boys," he said, somewhat sternly, "is it right that you two should be arguing on such a nice day, and giv- ing Old Apple Tree a headache, and being mean to each other?" "No, Mr. Bunny," replied Ricky and Rocky. "Well, then," said Mr. Bunny, "how can we solve the problem? Let's put our thinking caps on." So the boys thought and thought. Mr. Bunny's facial muscles began to spasm at a slightly faster rate. Then Ricky said, "I know! We can co-operate! Rocky, you take one apple, then I'll take one apple, and we'll keep doing it until we both have equal amounts. It will be such a nice and friendly way to get along!" And a smile came to Old Apple Tree's face. Mr. Bunny shook his head and said, "No, Ricky, that is not a good way. The best way is to use these!" And from his wicker basket he took out a pair of Smith & Wesson Model 27 revolvers, each carefully loaded with six shiny brass jacketed-hollowpoint .357 Magnum cart- ridges. He handed one to each of the boys, and made them stand back to back. "Now, when I say GO!" said Mr. Bunny, "each of you will take five steps, turn around, and fire your guns at each other, all right?" The boys smiled and nodded. They still hadn't noticed the twitching which had now spread to the whole left side of Mr. Bunny's face. Old Apple Tree, with a puzzled look, said, Mr. Bunny, don't you think that...." He fell fearfully silent as the Rabbit fixed a steely gaze on him and made a barely perceptible guttural sound from his throat. Then Mr. Bunny turned back to Ricky and Rocky with a happy smile and said, "GO!" So each of the boys took five steps, then turned around to fire. Rocky was a little faster than his brother, and had a good aim; his pistol boomed and Ricky staggered backwards, dropping his own gun. The slug entered Ricky's chest at the middle of the sternum, expanding beau- tifully into a deadly flesh-tearing mushroom shape. It grazed Ricky's left lung, which instantly began to collapse; then it went on to rup- ture the aorta, through which his heart began to frantically pump blood into his thoracic cavity. A fraction of a second later the bullet erupted from Ricky's back, the exit wound spraying gouts of blood and tissue onto the bright green grass. Ricky flopped to the ground on his back; he lay there gasping and twitching, straining to reach his revolver which lay just beyond the grasp of his little paw. Then, with a final gurgle as he drowned in his own arterial blood, Ricky lay still. Old Apple Tree gasped in horror, and began to stammer, but was again silenced by Mr. Bunny's twitching, murderous stare. "Oh, Mr. Bunny!" cried Rocky. "What have I done? I hurt Ricky!" And he threw his pistol away. "Boo-hoo-hoo! Why was I so selfish? I won't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever be selfish again!" And he stood there blubbering. With an odd look on his face from all the twitching, Mr. Bunny said, "Yes, I know you won't!" He snatched Ricky's gun from where it lay near the little raccoon's lifeless paw and fired at Rocky again and again. Rocky screamed in pain as the bullets thudded home, for, in the savagery of his attack, Mr. Bunny had shot only to wound, not to kill. Both Rocky's kneecaps were shattered by well-placed .357 slugs. Rocky began to stumble backwards as Mr. Bunny shot him again, once in each thigh, destroying his femoral arteries and transforming Rocky's legs into drum- sticks of gore. Mr. Bunny followed up with a quick surgically-placed shot that perforated Rocky's lower descending colon, creating horrible sepsis as fecal material was sprayed into his abdominal cavity. Mr. Bunny began to laugh, a deep, evil, droning sound as he humorously con- templated the fact that septic infection was now the least of Rocky's problems. He walked up to the gasping raccoon who, despite his wounds, was vainly attempting to rise and crawl away; slowly the Rabbit thumbed back the hammer on the Smith. Old Apple Tree, who had been struck dumb with fright, shouted "Mr. Bunny, NO!" But the Hare paid him no more attention than he would a common dogwood as he leaned down and put the muzzle to Rocky's temple. He whispered hoarsely, "See you in Hell, you selfish little unsharing bas- tard!" Mr. Bunny pulled the trigger, blowing away a huge chunk of the raccoon's head; cerebrum and cerebellum were splashed about like gelatin in a high-speed blender, and skull fragments whizzed through the air like the shrapnel Mr. Bunny remembered so well. Mr. Bunny gave a shrieking war-cry of delight as he jumped up and down on Rocky's chest, causing frothy blood to bubble out of the raccoon's wounds. Then he turned towards Old Apple Tree, who stood weeping like a willow at a romantic movie. Mr. Bunny ran over to his wicker basket and took out a large plastic bottle of Zippo lighter fluid. He began to splash it all over Old Apple Tree, who regained his senses and began to beg the Rabbit for mercy. "Please, please, Mr. Bunny, don't do this! I didn't mean to interfere!" he howled. But Mr. Bunny would have none of it. Having liberally doused Old Apple Tree with the fluid, he stepped back a few paces, tossed aside the empty Zippo bottle, and lit a Chesterfield. He cackled with glee for a few moments as he savored the cigarette, and the sight of Old Apple Tree vainly attempting to tear himself up by the roots to escape enhanced his nicotine rush no end. After a final drag on the Chesterfield, Mr. Bunny flicked the butt, glowing cherry-red with its heat, onto the base of Old Apple Tree's trunk. At first, there was no visible reaction. Then small rivulets of smoke began to run up the side of the tree. Old Apple Tree let out a trembling, high-pitched squeal of pain, and began to yell, "Water, water!" Mr. Bunny unzipped his trousers, yanked his penis through the open fly, and began to urinate while spinning around and around like a top, mocking Old Apple Tree with a sneering shout of "Water, water!" As Mr. Bunny sprinkled the raccoon corpses and the apple pile with his bodily waste, the smoke rising from Old Apple Tree got thicker and blacker. Suddenly, large flames began to appear amid the smoke; owing to the recent spell of dry weather, Old Apple Tree went up like a torch, screaming and thrashing wildly as if caught in a gale, his branches transformed into hideous arms of flame. Seeing that his work of vengeance was completed, Mr. Bunny launched himself onto the pile of apples and began to tear out chunks of the sweet, nourishing fruit with his teeth, ramming the half-chewed pieces of tasty fruit down his throat, snarling and grunting as he force-fed himself. The horrible wails of arboreal anguish, the greedy roaring of the fire, and Mr. Bunny's growling, savage feeding noises combined to create an unearthly din. When he vomited from overloading his stomach, Mr. Bunny did not pause but continued to gorge and glut like the Romans of old, even re-swallowing the regurgitated fruit as he crammed himself full again. At last, after falling into a series of uncontrollable bodily spams while he bellowed incoherently, Mr. Bunny passed out in a pool of vomit, drool, urine, and half-chewed apples. When Mr. Bunny awoke several hours later, he stood up, rubbed his eyes and stretched. He seemed not to notice the buzzing and thrumming clouds of black flies and mosquitoes as they fed on the raccoon corpses and rot- ting fruit, nor the thick, coppery smell of blood and putrefying flesh, nor the pile of hot, smoking ashes that lay just a few yards away, nor his exposed phallus, nor even the sodden state of his favorite red jacket and trousers. "Now what could have happened to those two nice Raccoon brothers?" Mr. Bunny asked himself as he picked up his wicker basket. "I guess it was time for them to go." And with that, Mr. Bunny began to hum a merry tune as he hopped happily back down the road to his little home. The End ---------------------------------------------------------------- | "The three great myths of Technological Society... | are Work, Progress, and Happiness." | --Jacques Ellul, Propaganda | | | The Church of Euthanasia | | has one commandment: | | "Thou Shalt Not Procreate." | | 1. Suicide is optional, but encouraged. | 2. Abortion may be required to avoid excommunication. | 3. Cannibalism is mandatory if you insist on eating fleash. | 4. Sodomy is optional, but strongly encouraged. | | "If we dig precious things from the land, | we will invite disaster." | --Hopi prophecy | | "American...have small stools and big hospitals." | --Dennis Burkitt, M.D. | | For the current issue of Snuff It, send $2 to: | The Church of Euthanasia, PO Box 261, Somerville, MA 02143 USA | | ---------------------------------------------------------------- \ \ RACCOON TIMES \ c/o Bob Nelson \ 75 Hale St. HELP \ Beverly, MA 01915 SPREAD THE WORD \ $1/$1.50 Can/$2 foreign \ Do not trust this face [alien]. \---------------------- Say NO to deceptive alien entities For FREE stickers send self-addressed stamped envelope to: V2, Box 911, Stanwood, WA 98292 Fear Not. Spread the Word. ---------------------------------------------------------------- SPAM HAIKU A special offer: "Make ten million dollars fast" You've got spam again Send just one email To ninety thousand people Your account is toast "Just hit delete key!" Whines the spammer in dismay Before being nuked I am a spammer I steal just a little bit (Several million times) A LART reduces This account to a crater Afterburner grins A neo-marxist, The spammer seems to believe All I own is his Free email address Anonymous remailer Cowardly troll Ten thousand offers For garbage that I don't want My mail box is full Send for special plans Cable TV descrambler (Cuts body fat, too) Years of getting spam Have made me what I am now: Vegetarian When a spammer speaks How can you tell he's lying? His lips are moving Is "one-time mailing" Sufficient grounds for a LART? One time is enough Send reply to our Universal remove list Get even more spam Sending spam is like Taking candy from babies (But less ethical) Buy these laundry discs You'll believe anything now Brooklyn bridge for sale Just send five dollars To each address on this list (Three of them are mine!) What makes you think I'm The kind of loser who would Purchase used golf balls? Fetishist most foul! I think I'll tickle you with A wooden mallet GIFs of naked babes May well be pornography But spam is obscene -------------------------------------------- (Spam=Unsolicited "Junk" email) Mark Roberts Reply to gromit741@linkus.com But replace linkus with aol &*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$&*#$ The Modern Little Red Hen Once upon a time there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered some grains of wheat. She called her neighbors and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it ?" "Not I," said the cow. "Not I," said the duck. "Not I," said the pig. "Not I," said the goose. "Then I will," said the little red hen. And she did. The wheat grew tall and ripened into golden grain. "Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen. "Not I" said the duck. "Out of my classification," said the pig. "I'd lose my seniority," said the cow. "I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose. "Then I will," said the little red hen. And she did. At last, it came time to bake the bread. "Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen. "That would be overtime for me," said the cow. "I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck. "I'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig. "If I am to be the only helper, that would be discrimination," said the goose. "Then I will," said the little red hen. She baked five loaves and held them up for her neighbors to see. They all wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, "No, I can eat five loaves myself." "Excess profits," cried the cow. "Capitalist leech," screamed the duck. "I demand equal rights," yelled the goose. And the pig just grunted. They painted 'unfair' picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities. Then the government agent came and he told the little red hen, "You must not be greedy." "But, I earned the bread," said the little red hen. "Exactly" said the agent. "That is the wonderful free enterprise system. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide their product with the idle." And they lived happiIy ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, "I am grateful. I am grateful." But, her neighbors wondered why she never again baked any more bread. --------------------------------------- Hey! If you're reading the ASCII text version, you're missing out on the great artwork by: Jerry Collins Dave Kocher (LED Balloons 111 Victor Circle NW -AND- 4506 Darcie Dr. no longer in Atlanta, GA 30314-2125 Erie, PA 16506 production) -AND- GAK PO Box 21144 Philadelphia PA 19114-0344 They do great stuff for zines!!!! ************************************************************************** Holy Temple of Mass Consumption PO Box 30904 http://www4.ncsu.edu/~aiken/ Raleigh, NC 27622 SLACK@ncsu.edu