"Moses parted the Red Sea, Oppenheimer
 split the atom, but "Bob" cut the crap."
         [Steve Antczak]
-------
"From now on, as of this moment, you can do whatever you want."
       [Rev. Willie at Slack Attack Devival, Dallas]
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"The toad may stand in the rain day and night,
 but its skin will never be smooth."
         [Malay proverb]

"But after I lick that toad day and night,
 it'll sure as hell look smooth to me."
  [Dobbstown initiation oath, Rev. Wilds]
-------
"Give me Slack, or give me Apache helicopters,
 Sidewinder Missiles and nuclear warheads."
    [Rev. Ivan Stang, Hour of Slack]
-------
"How'd it be if J.R. "Bob" Dobbs gave you a
 molten lead enema as 'part of the satire'?"
      [Rev. Dr. Onan Canobite to
       hostile debunker caller]
-------
"It's the bizarre idiots that act smart."
      [Rev. Capt. H. M. Smith]
-------
"I think, therefore I'm going to have breakfast."
    [Charles Fort ("Bob"'s third cousin)]
-------
"The dicks you can't see are always longer."
    [Dobbs, 1957, in his cups in a
     bar after discovering his wife
     Connie had been having an affair]
-------
"Real sex is Fats Domino. Bad sex is... Pat Boone."
          [Rev. Bleepo Abernathy]
-------
"The difference between Heaven and Hell
 is which end of the pitchfork you're on."
       [Rev. Sheldon Der Wehr]
-------
"So I says to him, I says: "Look. Either we all come from monkeys
 or we're supposed to be like this, and I don't like it either way."
 And he says, "Ich verstehe nicht." So I killed him."
                   [Rev. Dr. Chris Gross]
-------
"You do not fuck with a doktor unless he
 offers you the vaseline personally!"
        [G. Gordon Gordon]
-------
"I'm going to ask you to exercise glands you never knew existed."
                    [J.R. "Bob" Dobbs]
-------
"I am a man who pisses largely and frequently. This,
 they say, is a sign of great mental activity."
            [Henry Miller]
-------
"He's an asshole, but even assholes have dreams."
      [Sam Lowry in "Brazil"]

"Mine certainly does."
      ["Bob"]
-------
"Learn to be a Connoisseur of the Obvious."
        [Clevecclesians 6:14]
-------
"What do you throw a Pink who's drowning in quicksand?
 His wife and child."
                 [Boxholder]
-------
"WHO DIED AND MADE YOU GOD?"
    [J.R. "Bob" Dobbs]
-------
"Any time you can tape record a fart, you should.*"
    [J.R. "Bob" Dobbs in a new 1991(!) memo]

* "But don't leave it by phone on a friend's answering machine, because you
   won't want your face near your mouthpiece again for the rest of the day."
-------
"I'm not into SubGenius for the religious aspect so much.
 I see the Church more as... genetic stuntmen."
               [St. Joe Riley]
-------
"I'm afraid I just got no use at all for any god that's
 little enough to fit inside of some old PILL."
              [Nenslo, 1990]
-------
"They'll take away my 'Frappy when they
 pry it out of my cold dead fingers."
       [Rev. Ivan Stang]
-------
"Anything that makes it harder to pee is Antislack."
               [Sternodox]
-------
"Without 'Frop I would go mad with ambition. I would beat my
 wife and kids.  I believe in Salvation through 'Frop. If I
 'Frop, it is so that others may live."
               [J.R. "Bob" Dobbs]
-------
"I can handle it, I know when to quit.
 FASTER, NHEE GHEE, MORE REEFERS!!!"
         [Billy Samuels]
-------
"There'll be no smoking in the gas chamber."
           [Jimi Hendrix]
-------
"I never leave until I bleed 'em out of house and Launch Pad."
           [Anonymous note (could be Cleve)]
-------
"FREE THE DOBBSTOWN 2.71828!!!"
         [Batrix]
-------
"I think I'll just lie here and try to dream some
 more about the Planet of the Beautiful Blind Women."
      [anonymous lonely SubGenius boy
       with his dick in his hand]
-------
"SubGenius is the link between revolution and evolution."
                   [Batrix]
-------
(With pictures of confederate flag and US flag):
"My Pride Squirts White Stuff
 What Does Yours Do?"
-------
"I am a high-ranking member of a Texas UFO Death Cult that launches
 rubber golfer heads and worships a piece of Yellow Pages clipart.
 My "personal credibility" blew it's wad YEARS ago."
                   [Dr.K'taden Legume]
-------
The word of "Bob": industrial-strength religion
that's toilet-proof. That's our pledge to you, fathead.
-------